sternbach (sternbach) wrote,
sternbach
sternbach

i spent my summers drinking jack & coke on the road.

so i know i should most likely be asleep, but it wouldnt be a normal night if i were in bed before five and my head wasnt spinning. so. things ive been thinking about for the past couple hours/days:

1. why didnt i just tell you that i wasnt flawed? would it have made a difference? why couldnt i have just avoided all eye contact and smiled and assured you that we would be fine?
2. i already know the basic answer to that question but i still dont understand why thats who i am and why i do the things i do. i am not willing to accept "thats just how it goes" anymore.
3. where do i get a custom made liquor luge for under three hundred dollars in this area? in a week.
4. i wish there was a show similar to 'how its made' called 'how it works,' focusing on my brain.
5. why does the idea of running on no sleep for two days then coming back to the city and working a morning shift or two make me really really excited? why do i look forward to things i know will only end in disaster? what is it inside of me that makes me think "hey, that sounds like a bad time, im game"?
6. i think, in the end, i just want to know WHY. i am into dissection. i am into explanations. i am into logic, despite being the most irrational person ever at times. i like order. i like reason. except, you know, only most of the time.
7. i have this huge fear that my quasi quest for reason will most likely be my end. i cant really explain it. i probably need to go to bed.
8. love the love you have.
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